


Never alone

by xxsatinangelxx



Category: Revenge (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:44:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10376088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxsatinangelxx/pseuds/xxsatinangelxx
Summary: Loneliness is no joke and no one knew that better that Nolan. He'd never had anyone to rely on, someone to fight in his corner and hold his hand when he needed it.Or maybe he just didn't see who was really there.





	

Loneliness was an emotion Nolan had known his entire life. He was used to being a disappointed to his father, used to basically not existing in his mother eyes unless money was involved. Used to the world judging him for being bi or having more money than sense. He was even used to no one really knowing the real him, the him that is truly terrified that no one will miss him when he's gone. Nolan almost laughed at himself, truly amazed at himself for the amount of things he could get used to given enough time.

Whether He pushed people away out of loyalty to David and the secret he'd asked him to keep or for fear of being hurt like his parents had once hurt him, it still ended the same...Nolan with nothing but wealth and echoes to line the corners of his darkest hours. Nolan could root all of his loneliness down to his parents, they had been the first people to ever make him feel alone in someone's company and he vowed to never feel like that again, it if he could help it. He'd rather be lonely all alone than in a crowd full of people only pretending to care.

Of course there were exceptions to this rule, people who had gotten through. Padma had been someone special to him and we all know why she isn't around anymore. Marco, who hadn't trusted Nolan enough to accept him at his word which was perhaps the worst betrayal of them all and of course there is his...well his Emily.

Nolan had let Emily break through every single wall he ever put up. Not because he wanted her to but because she understood his loneliness. Despite the award winning arguments, despite the seething anger that echoed from Emily and despite Revenge being their solitude, there was always a silent understanding of just what the other was feelings. In a world that saw you as someone other than yourself it's easy to feel alone in a crowd, which perhaps why neither of the, entered crowds for long without the other by their side to stem back the tide of loneliness.

She's the same as him.

A tragic notion that Nolan had recognised in her since the day she threatened to break his windpipe.

"Nolan?" Emily called in his house, her voice calm and searching. He wasn't in the mood for talking, so he remained quiet trusting her ability to find him. Despite not wanting to talk a joy briefly soared through him - someone came in search of him. Maybe someone did care.

"Nolan?" This time his name was a different question, it was softer, more concerned. She had found him. 

"Do you know why I love the sound of my own voice so much?" Nolan asked her, meeting her eye as she slipped down beside him at the foot of his king sized bed.

She was dressed for another day of Hampton life. She was radiant as always but what he caught was the look of concern in her eyes and he almost smiled. He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. In his broken state he was silently thanking her for not letting him go through this alone, even if right now she has no idea what this was.

"I just thought you were full of yourself" Emily half joked, but the look he gave her told her this was no laughing matter.

"So you don't have to listen to the silence in your own home" she answered honestly. So she did know. Why he always had to have a quick tongue, why he always had to be the voice to be heard.

"Exactly and do you know why I drown myself in coding?" Emily let out a heavy breath, obviously concerned about him and this line of questioning. But she gave honest answers despite how tough they were to give.

"Because it's easier than making real connection" 

Nolan gave her a sad smile and a short nod. She was right once again, unsurpsimgly.

"Funny...how in a world with billions of people I can feel completely alone" Hopelessness dripped from his lips. Something rare and disturbing in hearing those words from one of the most cheerful voices in all of Southampton. 

Emily reached over and gripped his hand, intertwined their fingers. A symbol of the fact he was never truly alone. Not with his Emily around. The Emily that he could laugh with, the Emily he could argue with and the Emily he could simply be alone with. His best friend, his confidant, his partner. 

"I understand that" she spoke. Her reason for coming over all but forgotten in the need to comfort her friend.

"It's why I plan as carefully as I do. It's why I get myself so worked up into my blinding rage. I can't focus on how lonely I am when I'm working towards something, working for something. But I get those days when even a crowded room can feel like the loneliest place"

She breathed, wallowing her own loneliness for a brief moment.

"I can't promise to stop you feeling completely alone because I think we both know it's never that simple" she offered desperately. "But..." she breathed, squeezing their interlocked hands "How about we be lonely together?"

"Are you asking to be the misery to my company?" He half joked, half disbelieved.

"If you'll have me Nolan" He smiles at her genuinely and for one blinding moment he wasn't as alone as he felt.

"Always" he whispered, resting his head again her golden locks for a brief moment, taking in her smell and her presence as if believing her to be a blissful figment of his imagination.

There were no words spoken after that. What more could be said? They simply sat there in Nolans colourful and slightly disorganised bedroom, holding hands wallowing in their individual loneliness. The world had been a dark and painful place for them both, but somewhere along the way. Somewhere between mistrusting each other to loving each other, they had become each other's only light in the never ended darkness of their quest for revenge.

That is perhaps why it hadn't worked with anyone else. For either of them. Why Daniel. Aiden, padma had always only known half the real person. Not even jack measured up. Nolan and Emily understood each other, their souls had a connection no one else could touch or fathom. Whether best friends or romantic partners, whatever happened they both knew the other was there to stay.

In this life and the next they'd have someone to call upon. A rare blessing indeed. The comfort in knowing someone was waiting, knowing someone truly cared was astounding. 

Funny how loneliness can show you how you've never truly been alone.


End file.
